Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Sunflower Love.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Ellie I was sure she would be a boy. Actually, I was sure and happy about being sure about her being a boy. She was to be our little Miles Monroe. I didn't think we had it in us to create girls, and to be honest I didn't really want a girl. I had two boys, I knew boys. I was good at having sons. But a daughter, the thought was so foreign to me. I couldn't even imagine, and to be honest it scared me a bit shitless.

I can remember driving down with the boys to our ultrasound appointment. We were to meet Matt at the hospital and find out what our third little would be together as family. On the way down there it hit me.. After months of wanting another boy, or so thinking that was what I wanted, it just hit me. I can remember thinking "Try not to be upset when they say boy." What??? Whoa hold up, I thought I wanted a boy.. Funny how ones brain can try so hard to protect the heart that it can actually lead you to believe a lie. Deep down somewhere inside I did want a girl. I wanted to experience having a daughter in this lifetime. I wanted to know the special feeling between a mama and her gal.

That drive down there was extremely confusing. Here I thought I was okay-even happy-with having another boy.. and now all of these strange emotions were coming up inside like a burning ball trying to jump out of my throat. So, we met Matt and headed in for our appointment. And to our surprise the tech was 99% sure that we would be welcoming a girl into our family. Matt and I were in complete shock. I can remember walking down the hallway of the hospital after our appointment speechless. We seriously said nothing.. then when we got to the doorway Matt looked at me and spoke two words "Holy shit" and I was all "I know" and then just as we got outside each holding a hand of our boys we kind of did this jump up and down we can make girls dance. And Matt really did kind of shout it. We can make girls.

And make a girl we did. The coolest little girl ever in fact. Sweet Elliana Mae.

The day she was born the only sunflower in our yard bloomed.
Having a girl hasn't been extremely different for me at this point. She's a little smaller than her brothers and a bit more soft spoken. She's fun to dress in funky clothes but I think I'd be doing the same even if she were a boy. She's just as attached to mama as her brothers were but she loves daddy too. Like, a lot actually. Way more in love with him than the boys were at her age. She lights up when he walks in the room. Just as he does when he is around her. He says having a girl is waaaaaay different to him at this point and will always be. And, even though he didn't think he wanted a girl to begin with the man is so wrapped around her finger. In fact he told me one day that he thinks every daddy should have a girl because she really is that special to him. How sweet it that?..

So today and everyday I am loving my gal. (and my guys of course!) I am blessed. We are one big blessed family. And this littlest little of ours fit right in. She was meant for us, and us her. Our little sunflower.


  1. Chelsea was to be a girl. So much so that I believe I willed it if that's possible. Elder mums would evaluate my girth - its size and position - and each time they would proclaim "boy", only to have me fire back with, "NO, girl." She was conceived on a warm summer's night, born during an early spring thunderstorm, arrived home for the first time to a flury of snow, and the weather turned to sunny and eighty a week later on her first Easter. The first time the nurse brought her to me I cood, "There's my baby girl." and she turned to the sound of my voice... she knew me from the start. So much an old soul... so much a leader... so much a north star. But yet so much like her green mamma that I sometimes forget she is still learning... Such has been my life with her, she knows me better than most and is my eternal friend.
    And her dad, who felt sure there would be no little girls in his future... five nephews and only one neice as his proof? Well, like Elliana's daddy, he was wrapped around her chubby little finger from the start.
    A collection of brothers to follow, each as unique and beautiful as the stars in the sky, it turns out her daddy was correct. For us that one little girl was as rare as a lunar eclipse.

  2. Love this! I was convinced my girl was going to be a boy sheerly because I didn't want to be disappointed and I wanted Henry to have someone to punch in the face -- seriously, why I was even thinking that? --

    Aren't you glad your girl has two big brothers to love over her when she gets big? I am.