Thursday, December 30, 2010

Because I Said So

At times I feel ashamed at the way I talk to my littles. These words and phrases spew from my mouth like vomit and I've got no way of stopping them. Sometimes they are worse than others and I've had times that I've actually sunk into another room with tears because I'm filled with shame over my inability to stay cool.

My goal for the coming year is to listen. I do try, I promise. But with a baby on my hip or hanging off my boob, a six year old needing help sounding out a word, and a four year old who is constantly testing my patience lately I feel as if I'm falling waaaaay short

I can remember being a child and hating it most when my parents would end a conversation with "Because I said so." And guess who finds herself saying this allllll the time now? Me. Yesterday Dominic just wanted a reason as to why he couldn't do *xyz* and I wasn't willing to give it to him. I'd hit the end of my rope and I was done, overdone. I wasn't willing to give him any other answer than because I said so, and then when he wanted me to elaborate I actually said "Because I am the parent and you will listen to me." Whaaaa? Don't get me wrong I do believe children should respect their parents.. but I do however also believe that a child should be given the same exact respect in return. And, I know if I were to ask Dominic to do something and he told me "No, because he said so." or "Because I am the child and you will listen." I wouldn't be satisfied at all. Fair of me? I think not. I don't respect my elders unless they respect me. It's a two way street. Shouldn't I feel the same when it comes to my littles?

I've already come so far on this parenting journey, but I know I've still got a long way to go. There have been mishaps along the way. Spankings that I don't agree with. Misuse of words. Too many time-outs and not enough time-ins. It's hard. Being a parent is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's a constant challenge but more rewarding than anything else on this planet. I will continue to grow on this journey. I've already grown so much since we brought our first little into the world nearly seven years ago.

So this year my New Years resolution is to listen. To show respect always to my littles. To prove to them that they are loved unconditionally. To validate feelings. To answer all questions. To satisfy. To yell less. Hug more. To say yes a million times more than I say no. To be there 100% spiritually, emotionally,  physically, lovingly for my littles because they are my world and they deserve the very best.


And today there is a milestone that need be recorded. I am so proud of my biggest little. He is such a brilliant little thing and everything he does amazes me. Just looking at him fills my heart with overspilling pride. At six and a half years old Dom is reading his very first chapter book. He is so full of himself over it, and he should be. The boys' got smarts. 

I love everything about this kid.
Right down to his freckled pointer finger.

1 comment:

  1. Aaaaah, almost 25 years in and I'm still learning. Even as they turn into adults I find myself fretting... not enough space, too much, could my words have been kinder, should I have said that, should I have said more? Yes, 25 years in and I still find myself filled with worry and doubt. Find comfort in knowing Mamma Mulder, they blossom in spite of our short comings. Just keep the love flowing.
    My wish to my youngest brother with the approach of the new year is a future of new beginnings and a feeling of peace, love, and acceptance. I purchased a little book, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... and it's all small stuff", as a send off to his new jouney and decided to read it myself before I passed it along. I'm to chapter 22 now, "Repeat to Yourself, Life Isn't an Emergancy".
    We all have lots of growing left to do. Don't beat yourself up over not being there yet.