Saturday, February 5, 2011

Piece Of My Heart

Our home has been covered by a big storm cloud these past few days. Truths were told and lies pulled from the deep to be dissected over and over and over again. To be honest my last post makes me sick to my stomach. The last two actually. Or maybe everything dating back to January seventh.

While I want to write, I'm struggling. And this isn't the place where I can or should write right now. I have decided to take a break from the blog. A break for healing my soul. I will write in my small journal that rests under the head of my bed. The journal I haven't had to write in since July of 2009 when we lost our pregnancy and my grandpa all at once. It really should be black instead of yellow. It's filled with hurt. And with the way I'm feeling now it may just literally be filled by the time I'm finished with it.

I will be back. When is hard to say, but I do enjoy having this little space in the world to share our joys and plan to continue in the future when the joys aren't overshadowed by hurt. And most importantly when I can pull myself out of bed and be the mama that I should be {and hope to be again soon!} to my littles. I hate being so broken, so burned, and I wont be forever. But right now I am here in the now and what's going on here in the now is defiantly not blog worthy. It's not even fucking life worthy. So it will be tucked away in my journal and that will be that. 


  1. I hope everything gets better soon. Thinking of you.

  2. oh mama. i strongly feel that surrounding yourself with caring friends is needed, in addition to the journaling. journals are good, but you sound like you need some lovin. i think you know this- i just wanted to make sure you're not isolating yourself. i haven't been on cm in about a week (like not even to check the boards) so i will look and see if you are over there. i love you.